Sometimes life throws some inexplicable surprise at you that you can only be dazzled by it and nothing else is possible. My birthday was on August 19th and I had a bad day just the day before, for no reason I was feeling very low. Just before going to bed I sat wondering as to how will be birthday turn out to be and desperately wanted it to be “Just fine” and not a repeat of what had happened on that day. Lost in my thoughts and struggling to get some sleep as I lay on my bed watching the moon outside the window in my room, my mobile beeps and forces me out of my lost world. I see a message and assume that It must be from one of close friends with a birthday wish, but to my surprise I find the message from one of my college friend and it turns out to be one of the regular message that she sends us as a routine.
This friend of mine is a very sweet one, she sends the messages to our whole college group every day. Sometimes the messages are funny, sometimes nostalgic, sometimes pathetic shayari, sometimes hopeless romantic, sometimes philosophical and sometimes inspirational. The sweet part is that she sends this to all of us without fail and continues even if you 'don’t respond to her. I like the messages sometimes that she sends us and acknowledge the fact that “this was a good one”. This is her way of remaining in touch with all of us, because she cannot come to meet us when we gather together. It’s because she comes from a very orthodox family where e they don’t allow her to go out unless and until there is something important. Yes, I know sometimes we don’t realize that normal things like going out with friends can be a real gift to someone simply because they hardly get that chance. Anyways as I had said that this message was from her and the message read something like this:
“Face everything in your life ,it will make you discover many things in life and you will realize the meaning of life. Life never seems happy. WE SHOULD MAKE IT HAPPY!! ”
I know many of them will feel that it is one of the full of gyaan message, but the fact was that it came at that moment in my life just few minutes before my birthday and when I especially needed that “something” to go ahead. I messaged her “Thank you” and she wished me “Good Night”. Well, she did not remember my birthday and neither did she wish me, but what remains a fact is that with her simple gesture that she actually gifted me something for my life and I will always cherish that. I know that this message was not exclusively for me, but still it changed that very instant something in me or at least triggered a few thoughts in me. I decided to read that again in the morning and think about it. With a new found hope I slept a peaceful sleep.
Waking up in the morning, getting ready I thought about the message and decided that today and any other day I am going to do things that will make me happy. I am not going to worry about what others did and from today I will do what I am supposed to do ( justly, righteously, ideally) and that will make me happy. Deciding that, I was on my way to office and listening to some new songs in my iPod. One song that played first and continued to play for the rest of the day. That song seemed to answer a few questions which was disturbing me for long…Questions like I did make the decision to be happy, but how will I do it. Sometimes you need a lot of strength to carry out such decisions; I always felt that I never had that much of a courage pr strength both to carry out any of my decision. But I was thinking of making an exception this time and so I needed to gather everything around me and get back that spirit in me, which says , yes I can go for this and I will not FAIL. And this song seem to give me the answer for that question. It’s a prayer to the Almighty and that’s where I derive from inspiration from Everyday of my life.
The song is written by our great poet Rabindranth Tagore find its lyrics in English transcript here below:
http://geetabitan.com/lyric_eng/P/ly_PRAN_BHORIYE_TRISA_HARIY_401.htm
I have tried to translate/summarize the song in English …find it below
Fill me with life, full of life, filling all the thirst in me.
Give me a place in your world, in your abode ||
Give me some more light, more light into my eyes
Fill me with all the music of the world and give me more songs||
Give me more Pain, Give me more pain and give me more knowledge
Remove all the obstacles and protecting me from everything ||
Give me more love, more love, let my ego vanish in that love
Fill me with more nectar of life, fill me with more life, more life ||
Fill me with life, full of life, filling all the thirst in me.
Give me a place in your world, in your abode||
Praying to the Lord Almighty to give me more life, more light, more love and more knowledge…
With this prayer I proceeded to start my day at office and the rest of the day just followed in its melody. This may not be the accurate translation of the song, because I did this on the fly while the song is playing in my iPod. But nevertheless it does convey the core meaning of it.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Balancing emotions
Have you ever faced frequent changes in your mood? This hour you are happy and next hour you are sad. Now you are excited and sometime later you actually are bored. Well, I have always felt and experienced these mood changes in me happening very frequently and apparently within a short span of time.
The difficult aspect of this is that it not only makes it difficult for others to know what’s wrong with you, it also contributes in making you confused about your own behavior.
Then, there is the other category of people who will experience acute emotional turmoil, either they are on cloud nine or they are hopelessly depressed for a longer period of time. This also contributes to a lot of inner confusion along with the fact that people around you might find it difficult to deal with your acute emotions always.
Frequent changes or longer period of depression can actually make your life miserable. Let’s see how.
When your mood is changing frequently, it makes it difficult for people to relate to you. That’s because just sometime back they would see you energized and excited and full of life and would expect a certain response from you when they come to you after a short span of time. But instead you will be depressed and perhaps give them a very push away type of answer, which is surely going to make them wonder as to what happened and if they said/did something wrong? If this behavior continues for long, sooner or later people will start avoiding you, because they don’t really understand you. After effects will be
It is bound to affect all your relationships because every relationship has to be nurtured with care and time. Though you may try hard to give it, it’s your frequent changes in your emotion and the behavior affected by it is surely going to ruin the relationships. In this case, the frequency of change of emotions is going to bring in melancholy and confusion in your life.
So far, we have discussed the problem, their after effects, so what is the solution. The solution of course is different for different category of people.
But the first step remains the same, firstly identify that your mood and your emotional stability is a problem and is actually causing issues in other areas of your life.
1. Frequent Changes in mood.
2. Experiencing intense emotions for longer periods of time.
These are few strategies that I follow or plan to follow to make myself a better individual. I think they will work and let’s take a chance on it and see how it turns out to be. There may be many other ways, I may not be aware. If you know of any, please feel free to share them in the comments section.
The difficult aspect of this is that it not only makes it difficult for others to know what’s wrong with you, it also contributes in making you confused about your own behavior.
Then, there is the other category of people who will experience acute emotional turmoil, either they are on cloud nine or they are hopelessly depressed for a longer period of time. This also contributes to a lot of inner confusion along with the fact that people around you might find it difficult to deal with your acute emotions always.
When your mood is changing frequently, it makes it difficult for people to relate to you. That’s because just sometime back they would see you energized and excited and full of life and would expect a certain response from you when they come to you after a short span of time. But instead you will be depressed and perhaps give them a very push away type of answer, which is surely going to make them wonder as to what happened and if they said/did something wrong? If this behavior continues for long, sooner or later people will start avoiding you, because they don’t really understand you. After effects will be
It is bound to affect all your relationships because every relationship has to be nurtured with care and time. Though you may try hard to give it, it’s your frequent changes in your emotion and the behavior affected by it is surely going to ruin the relationships. In this case, the frequency of change of emotions is going to bring in melancholy and confusion in your life.
For people with longer period of depression or people who get really excited and are on cloud nine when they are happy might also face problems like, they might find themselves unable to stick on to things they would have started on, and people around them will find it difficult to deal with their incisive emotional outbursts always.
To give you an example: When such a person is happy, he/she will feel so good about themselves that every problem seem small and everything in the world can be achieved. They transcend themselves into an ideal world where they see everything happening as per their whims and wishes. It will be difficult for others to share the same excitement, because they might be level headed and are able to see the practical side of things. Similarly when such a person experiencing intense emotion actually land in depression, the depression is also very intense and stays for a longer period of time. The intensity of it is so much that no amount of pep taking by others will help. And as it stays for longer time it increasingly becomes difficult for others to deal with the person because all their efforts are bound to fail. Basically the intensity of emotions here contribute to leaving you miserable,So far, we have discussed the problem, their after effects, so what is the solution. The solution of course is different for different category of people.
But the first step remains the same, firstly identify that your mood and your emotional stability is a problem and is actually causing issues in other areas of your life.
- Observing your behavior is the key. Try and make a mental note as to how frequent are the mood switches, what situations lead to the changes.
- Once you know what situations lead to the changes, Try and remove or avoid those situations from your life. Example: If you see that because of not being on time for a meeting, upsets you, then always make it a point to be on time for the meetings.
- Of course situations may not be this simple, here you had a control over the issue, sometimes we will not have any control over, in such cases the best option is to ignore the circumstance that upsets you, initially this may be difficult, but it is a matter of practice.
- Most importantly is a decision that you have to make – that no matter what, Today I will not allow my mood to fluctuate. Bring in a rhythm to the day in the start, and continue to flow with that rhythm. Oddly this is something I do and it works best for me, I listen to some song and that sets the tone of the day. Most importantly I try to keep the day as much as possible predictable and avoid landing into any kind of surprise situations. That way the amount of excitement, boredom or disappointment is less.
2. Experiencing intense emotions for longer periods of time.
- For this, the solution is a little different from the other category, of course the observing and acknowledgement of the problem still forms the main step.
- After you know that you are elated or depressed and experience very intense emotions and when you find that people who are close to you are not able to feel the intensity, you have to try and keep a check on yourself.
- When you are excited or happy, watch out if you are overdoing things, In case you are inspired to start on something new, calm yourself down, do a ground reality check, evaluate all the possibilities and then start on the project. In short, force an analytical self of yours to take control over the situation.
- Now coming to the point where you are depressed and facing extreme low points, the solution for this would be entirely opposite of first one, Firstly there are different reasons for becoming depressed, find that out.
- In case you are depressed because of some negative thoughts about yourself or angry at yourself, don’t ever bring your analytical self to take the driver’s seat. Instead you have to force yourself to think all positive things about you. Find all the reasons why you think you love yourself. Trust me, we all at the very core love ourselves and hence selfishly wish for the happiness for us.
- In case you are depressed because of the overload of problems and don’t see a solution for any of it. You have to force your mind to switch off and again don’t analyze now. Simply because, the current mental state you are in will not allow you to think about your problem objectively. Talk to your family and friends and don’t speak off your problems just now. Talk to them later and they will either be able to suggest some solutions or at least will be able to give you a perspective and you may try using that to solve the problem.
- In case you are hurt by others and this is a common scenario we may find ourselves into, then the approach should be different for different people.
- Talk to the person who has hurt you if he/she is your family or close friend.
- If they are just friends, learn to let it go when things are simple enough, otherwise make it a point to let them know if they are wrong but communicate later, not when you are angry or sad as the point will be mistaken.
- If they are not someone who have any meaning to your life, ignore and learn not to let those comments hurt you.
These are few strategies that I follow or plan to follow to make myself a better individual. I think they will work and let’s take a chance on it and see how it turns out to be. There may be many other ways, I may not be aware. If you know of any, please feel free to share them in the comments section.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Resisting Change!
Change is something that I find myself resisting so much and always, and it’s not just me but many others also. But perhaps this is one thing that one should not resist because it’s the only thing that will actually decide the course of our life. It’s the only thing that allows us to evolve, grow and perhaps also paints our lives with its different colors and shades.
If we look at nature we can see how much change is involved, nature is perhaps more alluring for the changes it shows with different weathers. The constant greenery of spring would have been boring if we did not see the barren trees in the winter. Then why are we so resistant to change? Why is it that we detest any change as soon as we get the hint of it? I think basically it is because of 2 prominent reasons.
Insecurity:
I guess it has to do with the basic human psychology of seeking security. We all as human being, the very core of us are very insecure. Have you ever wondered why does a new born baby clasps your finger with its little hands (medical reasons are there I know), but there also must be something which is psychological and may be that it is also trying to find a secure feeling.
Even grown up people like us may feel insecure because of the slightest of changes in our way of doing things. But we fail to understand that we may not be very sure of anything, sometimes not even the way we are :P. When we don’t know ourselves so well, why do we resist the change? Because we presume that we know what we want in our life, and what makes us happy.
To give an example a scenario like changing your current job. You will resist the idea because you are already into your comfort zone and are feeling secure there, Your fear of losing the familiar faces around you (though in reality they may not contribute to your career) and also the fear of not being able to adjust to the new place and new demands of the new work will make you feel overwhelmed. The fear of failure will be heavily in your mind and that is enough to build an insecure feeling in you and so you start resisting the change.
Laziness:
Oh yes, sometimes we don’t want to change simply because we don’t want to out any extra effort that is needed to set the things in order after a change, we are Lazy. One always wants to live in a peaceful slumber. Every change, no matter how small it is, will require us to do some work to make way for the old to go and the new thing to come in. But somehow we are lazy to do that, and in order to escape it we come up with beautiful reasons.
One of the changes that I have resisted for long is the one to read, recently I am trying to change that and hopefully I will find it making some impact in my life. I was always put off by the fact , that I have to sit in one place and read so many pages… so much of time is required and so much of effort. That whole feeling will become a roadblock and no matter how it is, I would have this averse feeling towards inculcating this habit.
The other one is waking up early and going for a jog. This one is a typical Laziness related resistance to change. I simply cannot come to terms with that to Stay Fit, I need to sacrifice those couple of hours of my beautiful sleep :P.
We need to welcome and accept the change and let it create the picture it wants to create. Life is beautiful if it is flowing free like a river, not when it is filled with only stillness of the lake. Because then the energy in you might get wasted and rotten. Its best use will be to make use of the energy. We just need to be preparing ourselves for the change.
Please feel free to share your thoughts on this subject and experiences and your views too.
If we look at nature we can see how much change is involved, nature is perhaps more alluring for the changes it shows with different weathers. The constant greenery of spring would have been boring if we did not see the barren trees in the winter. Then why are we so resistant to change? Why is it that we detest any change as soon as we get the hint of it? I think basically it is because of 2 prominent reasons.
Insecurity:
I guess it has to do with the basic human psychology of seeking security. We all as human being, the very core of us are very insecure. Have you ever wondered why does a new born baby clasps your finger with its little hands (medical reasons are there I know), but there also must be something which is psychological and may be that it is also trying to find a secure feeling.
Even grown up people like us may feel insecure because of the slightest of changes in our way of doing things. But we fail to understand that we may not be very sure of anything, sometimes not even the way we are :P. When we don’t know ourselves so well, why do we resist the change? Because we presume that we know what we want in our life, and what makes us happy.
To give an example a scenario like changing your current job. You will resist the idea because you are already into your comfort zone and are feeling secure there, Your fear of losing the familiar faces around you (though in reality they may not contribute to your career) and also the fear of not being able to adjust to the new place and new demands of the new work will make you feel overwhelmed. The fear of failure will be heavily in your mind and that is enough to build an insecure feeling in you and so you start resisting the change.
Laziness:
Oh yes, sometimes we don’t want to change simply because we don’t want to out any extra effort that is needed to set the things in order after a change, we are Lazy. One always wants to live in a peaceful slumber. Every change, no matter how small it is, will require us to do some work to make way for the old to go and the new thing to come in. But somehow we are lazy to do that, and in order to escape it we come up with beautiful reasons.
One of the changes that I have resisted for long is the one to read, recently I am trying to change that and hopefully I will find it making some impact in my life. I was always put off by the fact , that I have to sit in one place and read so many pages… so much of time is required and so much of effort. That whole feeling will become a roadblock and no matter how it is, I would have this averse feeling towards inculcating this habit.
The other one is waking up early and going for a jog. This one is a typical Laziness related resistance to change. I simply cannot come to terms with that to Stay Fit, I need to sacrifice those couple of hours of my beautiful sleep :P.
We need to welcome and accept the change and let it create the picture it wants to create. Life is beautiful if it is flowing free like a river, not when it is filled with only stillness of the lake. Because then the energy in you might get wasted and rotten. Its best use will be to make use of the energy. We just need to be preparing ourselves for the change.
Please feel free to share your thoughts on this subject and experiences and your views too.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Father and Son
Akash turned 23 today, a youth of this generation and filled with excitement and enthusiasm to take off from here towards a journey to achieve his aspirations. Today is his birthday and he will be flying to London School of arts for his degree in Fine Arts. Like any other year, this year too he threw a party for his friends in one of the restaurants, watched movie is some multiplex and returned home. He was welcomed by his mother and grandmother when he entered home, they gifted him birthday presents. Then his mother accompanied him to his room to help him pack his stuff for the journey.
Akash was going to London for 2 years and then will return to India. His father was opposed to the whole idea from the beginning and in fact they had a bitter argument when Akash informed everyone at home about his decision. His father wanted him to do an MBA and take on reins of a family business and Akash did not want to do it, simply because he hated his father for his business and his business mindedness in life. His mother remained a mute spectator when the father- son argument went on and on...
After his mother finished packing things for Akash, she instructed him to sleep for sometime now and then in about 8PM he had to get ready to leave. It was 3 PM now, Akash stretched himself on bed and tried to sleep, but could not. He felt restless, for some unknown reason. Initially he ignored it, thinking that it was only because he was perhaps too excited about the new course, new place and a new life that was waiting for him there, or may be because he was tensed about the journey ahead and all the formalities in the airport. He tried to divert his mind to something else by playing some music on his iPod. But that also did not seem to relax him. As he paced up and down his room, suddenly his hand touched something and then there was a sound of broken glasses on the floor, when he looked around he found the Photo frame. He took it in his hands and took the photo out from the frame, it was his childhood photo, he was 2 years old then and his father was holding him in his arms. As he gazed at the photo, his eyes welled up with tears and he felt his throat choked due to the sudden emotions that gathered. He remembered how he saw his father change, after his 5th birthday he never saw his father on any of his subsequent birthdays and also he was rarely at home. He remembered how his father had immersed himself in his work and was always on business tours and meetings, hardly sparing anytime for his family. When important decisions about his college, courses or other things had to be done, it was his mother who had to take care of it. As emotions started growing in his mind, he started feeling an acute sense of agitation and was clueless how to subdue it down. Fighting it alone himself, he sat on his bed and suddenly found his hand on a letter pad. Something stuck him and he looked at the photo again and started writing down… what he wrote was a letter to his Father.
In about an hour, he finished writing the letter and neatly folded it and kept it on his bed. It was now time for him to get ready to leave to the airport, he cross checked his documents and got ready and left for the airport. Even at the airport it was only his mother, grandmother and friends who were there to see him off. He was happy to have them all, but some corner of his mind, he always knew that he was missing his father a lot. At this point in time, a simple hug from his father would have given him enough encouragement to see through the ordeal of 2 years. It was missing as expected, yet he hoped…
Many days and months passed by, then one day, Akash’s father entered Akash’s room looking for an official file of his. While looking for the file, he saw this neatly folded paper in front of the table lamp and took it. Opening the paper, he read the letter, it was the letter that Akash had wrote the day he was leaving for London. The letter read something like this...
Dear Papa,
Today I am leaving for London, as I was trying to take a quick nap just sometime ago; I accidently saw this photo of ours... Isn’t it so cute and lovely Papa? The way you held me then… I don’t know why, but today suddenly I had the same urge that you will hold me again, hug me and tell me some inspiring words. But alas, like every other day today also you are so busy, that you didn’t remember that I am leaving today and that it is my birthday today…You remembered none of this. None of this is important to you. What is important is your business?
You have never been to my school for the Parents Teachers meetings, neither during the Annual day functions. You did not take part in choosing the college for my studies; you don’t even know the names of any of my friends. You don’t know where I spend my days, when do I return? Those were not important because they don’t give you any profits right?
It was heart wrenching at times to see how my friend’s father supported him when he was learning cycling- I learnt it alone with the help from some of my friends, or when he was playing in a tennis tournament – I sat alone during the breaks as no one had come to watch me play from my family. Sometimes I felt jealous of the fact that my friend’s father was there with him to support him. His father scolded him too when he did mistakes and when he scored less marks, and sometimes I would see my friend come after having fought with his father, but then next day things would be alright between them like a magic. I never had those moments in my life. I never had the person to whom I could go and share my thoughts with. Why were you not there with me during such times?
I don’t hate you Papa, I really really admire you for you ability in your work, business and honesty. But amidst all this what I miss is a caring father who would be proud of his son’s achievements however little it is, who would correct his son when he is wrong. And I don’t hate your business either. I only don’t want to turn into a machine and hence I won’t choose your business, I don’t want my children to get a robotic Dad who would get them whatever they wished for and never be with them.
Today I really needed you papa, but you are not here, sometimes that makes me feel, If I remained the 2 year old kid that I am in that photo, perhaps you would be with me a little longer and maybe things wont be so bitter between us as it is now.
I have to leave now Papa, take care.
Yours Loving Son,
Akash...
As he finished reading the letter, tears rolled down his eyes and he felt a strong desire to see his son now and hug him, but it was not possible and he realized that it was late. He was furious on himself and he was partly unhappy that Akash said all that he said in the letter so late. Had he known this earlier he would have changed his style of life and spent more time with his son. In the quest for giving his son all the comforts of the world, he snatched away the basic essence of it. He kept staring at the photo of his 2 year old son and tears kept falling onto the floor. Quite sometime passed and he remained seated in the same place and same posture as he had been while reading the letter. Then suddenly he realized that he could not let more time run through and immediately took the decision to change himself at least to a certain extent. He know had a sense of urgency to get back his connect with his son, but also realized that he had to be cautious and all of a sudden things don’t change. He decided that he will let the relationship take sometime to again form. He decided to write a letter to Akash.
He wrote a very normal letter to Akash, asking about his stay, place, and studies and future plans and if he needed any help regarding anything. He never mentioned about the letter Akash had written and that he had read it. He used to write a letter once a week and made it a point to do so for a month. Initially Akash was surprised but took it as a welcome change and continued to reply to his father. Slowly as time passed, Akash started getting a secure feeling from the letters and he started looking forward for the weekends when he would receive them and also looked forward for the time when he would sit to write them. Akash was nearing his completion of the course, and one day he received a small parcel as a gift from his father and a letter as usual ….
He opened the parcel hurriedly and filled with excitement and to his surprise this was not what he had expected it to be… The gift was the same photo framed in a new photo frame.
The letter read as:
Dear Akash,
Thank you so much, for correcting me. I learnt a big lesson, that there are things that one learns from their children too. I didn’t realize that in the race for getting all the comforts for my family I had distanced myself from all of you.
I know that I cannot give you the childhood back, but trust me Akash; even I have missed much in my life. I also missed the opportunity to see you grow up, to be a part of your growing up. I don’t want to justify my acts, only know that sometimes people do become blind when they love someone too much. I loved my family so much that I wanted to buy all the happiness in the world for them, but I actually forgot to ask them if they really needed is this.
Money is important my son, because it does give us a comfortable life. But the boundaries of what is comfortable is something that each of us have to define, If your son’s tournament is more important to you than your million dollar order or not, is something that we have to take a call on. Its here I faltered, I failed to see where to draw the line.
I will try and correct myself from now on… I have been making the effort for quite sometime and I am sure you have observed that. I need your support to get things back on track as it should be. We both together will now paint the world with our choice and colors.
See you back home soon Akash.
Yours lovingly,
Papa
Reading the letter Akash felt exuberant, he wanted to pack his bags and run off home, but he still had a month to stay. He decided to buy the loveliest of gift for his parents in this month. He got an offer to make a documentary movie on Indian Folk arts and got the production backing needed for his project to get completed. He returned to India with a brilliant record in his course as a gift for his parents. His father , mother and grandmother were there in the airport to receive him .
Relationships are delicate threads; we should not stretch them too much that it tears off… Talk openly, make your concerns be heard, sometimes bottling up things only makes it harder to change later. And above all this: BE HONEST.
Akash was going to London for 2 years and then will return to India. His father was opposed to the whole idea from the beginning and in fact they had a bitter argument when Akash informed everyone at home about his decision. His father wanted him to do an MBA and take on reins of a family business and Akash did not want to do it, simply because he hated his father for his business and his business mindedness in life. His mother remained a mute spectator when the father- son argument went on and on...
After his mother finished packing things for Akash, she instructed him to sleep for sometime now and then in about 8PM he had to get ready to leave. It was 3 PM now, Akash stretched himself on bed and tried to sleep, but could not. He felt restless, for some unknown reason. Initially he ignored it, thinking that it was only because he was perhaps too excited about the new course, new place and a new life that was waiting for him there, or may be because he was tensed about the journey ahead and all the formalities in the airport. He tried to divert his mind to something else by playing some music on his iPod. But that also did not seem to relax him. As he paced up and down his room, suddenly his hand touched something and then there was a sound of broken glasses on the floor, when he looked around he found the Photo frame. He took it in his hands and took the photo out from the frame, it was his childhood photo, he was 2 years old then and his father was holding him in his arms. As he gazed at the photo, his eyes welled up with tears and he felt his throat choked due to the sudden emotions that gathered. He remembered how he saw his father change, after his 5th birthday he never saw his father on any of his subsequent birthdays and also he was rarely at home. He remembered how his father had immersed himself in his work and was always on business tours and meetings, hardly sparing anytime for his family. When important decisions about his college, courses or other things had to be done, it was his mother who had to take care of it. As emotions started growing in his mind, he started feeling an acute sense of agitation and was clueless how to subdue it down. Fighting it alone himself, he sat on his bed and suddenly found his hand on a letter pad. Something stuck him and he looked at the photo again and started writing down… what he wrote was a letter to his Father.
In about an hour, he finished writing the letter and neatly folded it and kept it on his bed. It was now time for him to get ready to leave to the airport, he cross checked his documents and got ready and left for the airport. Even at the airport it was only his mother, grandmother and friends who were there to see him off. He was happy to have them all, but some corner of his mind, he always knew that he was missing his father a lot. At this point in time, a simple hug from his father would have given him enough encouragement to see through the ordeal of 2 years. It was missing as expected, yet he hoped…
Many days and months passed by, then one day, Akash’s father entered Akash’s room looking for an official file of his. While looking for the file, he saw this neatly folded paper in front of the table lamp and took it. Opening the paper, he read the letter, it was the letter that Akash had wrote the day he was leaving for London. The letter read something like this...
Dear Papa,
Today I am leaving for London, as I was trying to take a quick nap just sometime ago; I accidently saw this photo of ours... Isn’t it so cute and lovely Papa? The way you held me then… I don’t know why, but today suddenly I had the same urge that you will hold me again, hug me and tell me some inspiring words. But alas, like every other day today also you are so busy, that you didn’t remember that I am leaving today and that it is my birthday today…You remembered none of this. None of this is important to you. What is important is your business?
You have never been to my school for the Parents Teachers meetings, neither during the Annual day functions. You did not take part in choosing the college for my studies; you don’t even know the names of any of my friends. You don’t know where I spend my days, when do I return? Those were not important because they don’t give you any profits right?
It was heart wrenching at times to see how my friend’s father supported him when he was learning cycling- I learnt it alone with the help from some of my friends, or when he was playing in a tennis tournament – I sat alone during the breaks as no one had come to watch me play from my family. Sometimes I felt jealous of the fact that my friend’s father was there with him to support him. His father scolded him too when he did mistakes and when he scored less marks, and sometimes I would see my friend come after having fought with his father, but then next day things would be alright between them like a magic. I never had those moments in my life. I never had the person to whom I could go and share my thoughts with. Why were you not there with me during such times?
I don’t hate you Papa, I really really admire you for you ability in your work, business and honesty. But amidst all this what I miss is a caring father who would be proud of his son’s achievements however little it is, who would correct his son when he is wrong. And I don’t hate your business either. I only don’t want to turn into a machine and hence I won’t choose your business, I don’t want my children to get a robotic Dad who would get them whatever they wished for and never be with them.
Today I really needed you papa, but you are not here, sometimes that makes me feel, If I remained the 2 year old kid that I am in that photo, perhaps you would be with me a little longer and maybe things wont be so bitter between us as it is now.
I have to leave now Papa, take care.
Yours Loving Son,
Akash...
As he finished reading the letter, tears rolled down his eyes and he felt a strong desire to see his son now and hug him, but it was not possible and he realized that it was late. He was furious on himself and he was partly unhappy that Akash said all that he said in the letter so late. Had he known this earlier he would have changed his style of life and spent more time with his son. In the quest for giving his son all the comforts of the world, he snatched away the basic essence of it. He kept staring at the photo of his 2 year old son and tears kept falling onto the floor. Quite sometime passed and he remained seated in the same place and same posture as he had been while reading the letter. Then suddenly he realized that he could not let more time run through and immediately took the decision to change himself at least to a certain extent. He know had a sense of urgency to get back his connect with his son, but also realized that he had to be cautious and all of a sudden things don’t change. He decided that he will let the relationship take sometime to again form. He decided to write a letter to Akash.
He wrote a very normal letter to Akash, asking about his stay, place, and studies and future plans and if he needed any help regarding anything. He never mentioned about the letter Akash had written and that he had read it. He used to write a letter once a week and made it a point to do so for a month. Initially Akash was surprised but took it as a welcome change and continued to reply to his father. Slowly as time passed, Akash started getting a secure feeling from the letters and he started looking forward for the weekends when he would receive them and also looked forward for the time when he would sit to write them. Akash was nearing his completion of the course, and one day he received a small parcel as a gift from his father and a letter as usual ….
He opened the parcel hurriedly and filled with excitement and to his surprise this was not what he had expected it to be… The gift was the same photo framed in a new photo frame.
The letter read as:
Dear Akash,
Thank you so much, for correcting me. I learnt a big lesson, that there are things that one learns from their children too. I didn’t realize that in the race for getting all the comforts for my family I had distanced myself from all of you.
I know that I cannot give you the childhood back, but trust me Akash; even I have missed much in my life. I also missed the opportunity to see you grow up, to be a part of your growing up. I don’t want to justify my acts, only know that sometimes people do become blind when they love someone too much. I loved my family so much that I wanted to buy all the happiness in the world for them, but I actually forgot to ask them if they really needed is this.
Money is important my son, because it does give us a comfortable life. But the boundaries of what is comfortable is something that each of us have to define, If your son’s tournament is more important to you than your million dollar order or not, is something that we have to take a call on. Its here I faltered, I failed to see where to draw the line.
I will try and correct myself from now on… I have been making the effort for quite sometime and I am sure you have observed that. I need your support to get things back on track as it should be. We both together will now paint the world with our choice and colors.
See you back home soon Akash.
Yours lovingly,
Papa
Reading the letter Akash felt exuberant, he wanted to pack his bags and run off home, but he still had a month to stay. He decided to buy the loveliest of gift for his parents in this month. He got an offer to make a documentary movie on Indian Folk arts and got the production backing needed for his project to get completed. He returned to India with a brilliant record in his course as a gift for his parents. His father , mother and grandmother were there in the airport to receive him .
Relationships are delicate threads; we should not stretch them too much that it tears off… Talk openly, make your concerns be heard, sometimes bottling up things only makes it harder to change later. And above all this: BE HONEST.
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