Who decides?

“Life isn’t fair. Nor is it reasonable, rational, sensible, logical, nice, or fluffy. Life is strange, ridiculous, cruel, fantastic, bizarre, whimsical, capricious, and just a little bit dirty”

The above statements is something I read recently in an article and felt it’s so true? We all want our lives to be beautiful, but somehow circumstances show a different picture always. Is it true that we always find our life in a mess and a crappy situation? Or is it that we would have created some of those situations? Some of them we had no control over, but some which we could/can control, how much effort do we actually put in making them turn out better for us? Or is it that we tend to always cling on to the agony of the past?

Two lines and such a flurry of questions your mind is waiting to ask you. Sadly some of the questions for which we have no answers and for some we don’t want to find an answer, for rest its more like we don’t want to accept the answer that our mind is shouting to us.
I had arguments with my friends about “Man is a product of circumstances, or Circumstances are a product of Man’s actions?” At that time, I had vouched so much that – “man is a product of circumstances” but not having matured a little more – I would say that “it works both ways” when you mean “All Circumstances in our life”.

In our scriptures I think the best example would be the way Karna’s character and life is portrayed in Mahabharata. He is born to an affluent Kshatriya household but is abandoned in the river Ganges by his mother for societal concerns – this is something that is not under his control. After that he is brought up by a Shudra who serves as a Charioteer to the Kuru family was also beyond his control. But what is rather interesting is the fact that at his boyhood he realizes that he wants to learn archery and “art of war” like other Kshatriyas and takes control of his desire from here on. He approaches Dronacharyya to impart him education but he refuses to. Then his desires grow even stronger and he approaches Parusharam to teach him. He agrees thinking that he is a “Brahmin” boy and he will in turn use this knowledge to teach others. He learns and also becomes a good archer. Here we can see how amidst the existing circumstance one can take control and still work to shape their life they want it to be.

What is admirable is the fact the small boy knew that he HAD to learn this and for this no matter what difficulties he has to face, he would still continue his quest for mastery over the craft and learn it from any source. It’s a similar story of Eklavya too.
After that, he is now young and ready to take on the world, when he proclaims that if Arjun is selected as the best archer then Arjun should defeat him in the competition. But the fact that he is not allowed to participate in the competition is a bit sad (personally) for his caste is something beyond his control. But later point of his life, when the Game of dice happens or the time when Kunti and Krishna approach him to take sides of his brothers / what is right, those were of course in his control and what he decides and does finally shaped his life the way it was.

Just like his life, we all find ourselves in different situations, situations which are difficult, strange, undeserving, and sometimes they are funny, pleasant and lovely too. But it is completely left to us to decide which among them are in our control and take charge of such situations in our life. We have to choose to decide and deciding that we have to choose is also a decision. A quote that lingers onto my mind now is …. “Every man builds his world in his own image. He has the power to choose, but no power to escape the necessity of choice.” – Ayn Rand.

Sometimes it does make me ponder over these, had there been no difficulties will there be a sense of achievement at all, is it not true that one becomes more desirable because of the presence of the other? Pain, exists, but so does happiness and pleasure and perhaps there meaning and the fact they are so much desirable to all of us is also because the opposite exists in this world. We have to face the struggle, in order to take the pride in overcoming the obstacles and facing the challenges in its face. Childbirth is the most painful thing that a woman faces and yet everyone woman wants to be a MOTHER. Bringing up children is a challenge that every parent faces and yet everyone wants to have THEIR own child. Summer is so hot, that’s the reason there is beauty in the rain. Rose still remains beautiful amidst its thorns right? So why cry, when we face the thorns, let us make the effort to eliminate them and if it has hurt us, let’s allow it to heal and then we can think of further actions

So if we think that we need to create a world of our own and work towards achieving a life that would be worth living for, striving to reach that point where we can say HONESTLY – “I gave it my ALL – to be here and to the BEST of my abilities”, then we have to decide from today that we should take control of all situations that can be controlled and take the decisions judiciously to change our life and our world.

A story of my tailor didi

In our life, there are few days that you would always cherish, few moments that leave a lasting impression. There will also be some of those days which you would feel that should not have been a part of your life, some hardships which you faced and felt that you don’t deserve them. But seldom do we realize that most of our lessons and experience actually comes from these hardships and not when we are laying on the bed of roses. And above all these, sometimes we learn a lot by mere observation and thinking about it deep within. Most of my lessons I learnt, values I inculcated was by observing people around me. How they lived, what they thought, how they carried themselves through good and bad times. One can never say that you have learnt all and know all, because as you go on meeting new people, new stories of their life unfolds in front of you and sometimes there life also influences you directly or indirectly.


I also had a similar phase, where I did not like the way my life was shaping up, because I did not like the place where we stayed, I did not like the school I studied, and many more. I hardly realized that most of my values and thoughts were a direct output of those bad times we had. Yes, I know it is easy to always look at sorrow in poetic admiration and has certain romanticism attached to it and especially when you are not having one. But I don’t admire the bad time of my life, I only acknowledge the lessons it has taught me.

Apart from my family, there have been some more people whom I actually saw (did not interact much though) and did not realize that they would still remain in my thoughts even after years of moving away from the place of stay. We had a Tailor Didi in our neighborhood and we used to give some of our clothes to her for stitching. She was not alone; she had 3 other sisters, and a window mother to take care of. The youngest sister went to a Government school to study and rest others did the stitching and ran the household. They were in a difficult situation with respect to the economics. They did not have enough money to buy some space for a shop of their own. They used to get the clothes from other tailors and stitch and give it back to them. They used to socialize and come and tell the neighbors to give them for anything that they wanted to get stitched.

The family consisted of 4 girls, an aged mother and father. Each of them contributing their part to run the household and taking care of ailing parents. The youngest girl who went to school used to deliver the stitched clothes and collect the money from houses, the other 2 daughters used to stitch the clothes and take care of household. The Tailor Didi used to go to the shops and collect the clothes to be stitched and come home and start her stitching work. Their house was a small one, the rooms were so small that hardly one could place any furniture and sit, but they managed to stay there. They toiled hard, day and night to make the ends meet. Among the four daughters, 3 of them were of marriageable age and hence it was understandable when the Tailor Didi’s mother complained that she was unable to arrange for their marriage. But the fact that really touched me was to see how these daughters ran the household with a small business set off from their home; with the aspiration of making a decent living was the one that drove them. You could see them sometimes fight for their right in the queue for water in front of those borewells not because they loved doing it, but it was a necessity and they had to do it to get what they deserved. Amidst all these hardships they still kept a smiling face. The world is a difficult place to live, if you don’t know how to stand for your rights and fight for them. They did exactly that and at times I used to wonder how did they get so much courage and self belief to fight out these circumstances, I came to know only later that circumstances in life teaches you and you grow with them.

Today after 11 years of having seen their struggle I feel so happy to see a small shop that they have bought in the main road and the efficiency with which they carry out their business.It’s heartening to see that one of them is now married and youngest one is completing her class 12th exams. I feel an immense sense of love for life where the human spirit knows to fight against all odds and create a place for them in the world solely by their hard work. No matter how small it is and how insignificant it may be to the world, one can always feel a sense of accomplishment after having achieved the smallest of their dreams past a long hard struggle.
My best wishes for this family that did not deter in their courage / patience in the fight.
I hope I learn from them and face world and all the challenges with a brave face.