Story of Relationships- Part 2

Ok, BIG DISCLAIMER is “I am not married” So the views expressed sometimes may sound purely imaginative and may not even hold relevance when thought in the practical sense.Date: 12-11-2009

What is marriage or a spousal relationship? Dictionary definition says it as the state of being a married couple voluntarily joined for life.
In our society marriage is the legal stamp on the togetherness of 2 individuals who have chosen to be with each other through the life journey.
Do you notice the word Voluntary there; it means that it is an act of choice and not to be dictated by anything else.

Why would a person want to get married to another person? This is a question that has bothered me for long, I think it is very important to know the answer for this… and I am trying to discover the answer for that as I draft this.

I have heard different views on it from many people, mostly from my age batch. The reason that they may be left alone in life (at old age or even when you are young, because all your friends will be married) is cited many times, and even to convince me.


But should that “Being left alone” be the reason you look for a husband or wife?
I mean, one can be left alone thought sitting in between the crowd. Its not necessary condition that the person we marry will be able to erase all the loneliness in our lives.


Ok, the other part of the reason of having companionship at old age is valid but only to some extent. With such an uncertainty on Human nature, how can I pre suppose that the person I am marrying today is going to be the same or with whom I want to share the moments of my old age. Or for that matter even that person is always unsure given the fact of “Change” in our lives. Looks like quite a gamble with all these reasoning for me…


Some might be bold enough to state the fact of having the physical pleasures as Man and Wife. Fine, but in today’s world is it really bound to be in the realms of marriage alone. Yes , it is for an idealist, that’s always the case. But ideals are also relative. :P


To have children, again this alone cannot be the criteria to get married and neither all the above put together is giving me a convincing reason why a person should get married.
What everyone fails to say or perhaps it is but obvious is the fact that “One should get married to be loved”. This is one of the basic necessities of all relationships. And for marriage it is THE most necessity. If people told me that I have to get married because I need that love which gives me the Strength to walk the rest of the path of my life or the love that gives me the Warmth of a friendship amidst the cold brutalities of circumstances or may be just the feeling of “I am there for you”, one can actually give marriage a serious thought. But most of the time people just keep telling me the social stigmas attached to it, which makes no convincing reasons at all to get married.

Now, let us say I decide to get married because I want to be “loved and cared for”. It is so important a fact that I am loved and cared for “who I am” than for the perception that people have of an ideal lover or ideal wife.


The arranged marriages are one way of making a deal that Boy meets Girl and Girl meets Boy and now they need to understand each other and see if they are compatible and then get married. It’s such a compromising reason to get into the relationship called marriage. I mean both parties can always opt for pretending throughout days when they meet and by the time they decide. Or one of them may fake it. Or let us say in the best scenario both are honest, but still it’s like searching for the pearl ring among a bowl of pebbles, again a gamble.


Coming to the ones that we term as Love marriages, People are equally excited and frightened with this concept. Excited for the fun of having chosen and met their Life partner


And, frightened if their dreams of marrying each other will materialize or not. But it is definitely a better bet than arranged marriages. Because people will not fake themselves when they are seriously into a relationship and are thinking of future together.


Only thing, which is perhaps essential to see to it that they finally marry each other, is their Conviction for what they feel is Right – the right to love each other.
Hmmm, I guess I preached a lot, Sorry if it sounded like some preaching’s, it was just the honest thoughts in my mind on this relationship fundas.


To end this, I would just add one thing, every relationship has its own beauty and we need to cherish it for its nature and complexities attached to it.
For anything to flourish, we need to have RESPECT for that. RESPECT will also lay the foundation for LOVE and then LOVE lays it for a FUTURE LIFE which is beautiful.


PS: Lines added, after comments on my previous posts... "One needs to Marry to be loved and also To Love". I dont know though which gains precendence, whether You love someone first and the other person responds or is it just simultaneous.

Story of Relationships Part -1

Recently for some reasons I end up being a part of the discussion about friendship, relationship and marriage. Till now, I have never really thought about them so deeply to form my views on it.

Basically I did not find the need to do it, but now I can see that everyone has a say on it, so let me at least formulate some thoughts around each of these.

Disclaimer: Not everyone may agree with what is said in it, it is not meant to be taken offensively and everyone has a right to have an opinion, so feel free to argue and point out if my understanding is wrong anywhere.

We will start from the generic terms and move onto more specific terms and their definition.
What is a relationship (between people)?
Dictionary says it as a state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection).
Some of these we are born with, the connection are formed based on our birth.
Some of them are formed as a natural process of our growth like the people we grow up with in School, College, and workplace.
Some very unknowingly gets formed, we may not meet them in a regular basis, but a certain encounter might actually make the necessary connectedness.

So basically in different situations we form relationships in our lives.
In all these situations in my life, I have never carefully chosen to be in a relationship, the bond naturally grew and so many people became a part of my life with absolutely family connections.

I came across them, we shared some camaraderie and slowly perhaps both of us consciously decided to be there for each other and hence the relationship.
At no point of time, was anything forced and at no point of time in such relationship that we naturally get into, any compulsion that existed.
Relationship that I am speaking of, is a very generic term given to any form of emotional connectivity we have with people.
So we will now come to more specific terms, like Friendship, Spousal relationship (Marriage)
Friendship: What is Friendship? Dictionary definition: The state of being friends (or friendly)
Who is a friend? A person you know well and regard with affection and trust.
Now let us dwell into the terms which define a friend.
It says, A person “you know well”.

Well , this whole “you know well” thing is so relative with respect to time na, I mean today I may know that person quite well, but overtime the person evolves and if I The state of being friends (or friendly) don’t invest the time to see or at least understand the evolution how do I really know it?

Ok now coming to the point “regard with affection and trust” that’s again very relative, again because the person evolves, we all do and that’s the natural phenomenon and hence the “regard of affection and trust” also changes as you see the person in front of you changing…

You see its difficult thing to say that we are friends in the truest sense of the word.
In order to keep the friendship remaining as it is now presently, we need to have a common set of ideals and principles and a very similar way of thinking and also spend quality time with each other. The reason I am saying this is because lets say we end up having huge differences in our views in the beginning and something as base as our ideals clash, we can never be able to appreciate and respect the other person’s view. When you can’t respect you obviously cannot have the affection or trust, because all the emotions form at the base of “Respect” Time is indeed needed in order to understand the person’s ideals and more so also see the way the person reacts and evolves as time flows.

Next, obvious is the misconception that people have which says Friends are always "Understanding". Most of them misuse this term to the nth degree and claim that I hoped you would "Understand".... :)
Common Dialogue : "I hope you would understand and hence our friendship will remain forever".  The understanding thing has thiws beautiful feature of onesidedness. Always the person who is saying this dialogue expects that he/she is understood and never places him/her on the other side.

Overall Friendship is a beautiful relationship between two matured people who share a similar understanding of their basic ideals ...

Now, lets us see the topic of spousal relationship or marriage.
I guess I will take up this topic in my next post.

Why and how am I connected?

Sunset:


I was sitting today in the cafeteria in one of the farthest corner and from where the sunset was so clearly visible. I was enjoying the sky changing its color every moment and as time just passed by the sun disappears leaving the last traces of rays captured in some of the wandering clouds...

The sun has now set leaving me only with memories once again; I wondered what is it that connects me so deeply with a sunset that everything else around me seems so much immaterial and unimportant. I just freeze at that moment, my eyes sometimes are filled with tears and sometimes my lips adorn a smile. That’s a time when I am transfixed and completely surrendered in front of the beauty of the nature. I have been watching so many sunsets.... But there is some intriguing quality in it that binds me every time I happen to see it.


And then the world awakes as I hear a far cry from one of my friend or the person seated right next to me – “Tea break is over, shall we go?” And during those times, I always think when poetry should flow into your ears; it’s only a reminder call to go back to work is given to me…. What an anticlimax?


Rain:


Do I always enjoy it? Not exactly, but I love it most of the times, except those days when it is raining the whole day. Rain is just the moment you want to run to your terrace and drench yourself as the initial droplets fall from the sky. It’s a momentary satisfaction of feeling cleansed and pure from both inside and outside.


I have had many rain drenched walks in my life. But one of them was especially beautiful one that I can recall. I was on my way back from office, and to reach the bus stop I had to actually walk a twenty minutes path. The path was strewn with bushes around them and only cyclists or pedestrians were on that path. There was also a road running parallel to that and it was one of the highways of one of the European cities. As I left my office the sun was still adorning the sky and hence I was without any of my rain gear. It was one of the days in the last leg of the summer period there. I started walking that path and suddenly the rain started. There were no place to take shelter and I had to walk. I was actually enjoying the rain thoroughly and now I had reached the bus stop, the bus was late and then suddenly the sun comes out and in its full ferocity, my clothes are half dried by the time the bus comes.

What was so remarkable was the fact that there was no one in the whole path towards bus stop and neither at the bus stop. I was least conscious of my wet dress and least concerned what people wondered about me. Just gave into the urge to be drenched and feel the water trickling down your skin and hands …….


Rainbow:

Spotting a rainbow is sometimes the WOW moment in my life, simply because it’s so rare that I get to see them. I have seen most of them while I was in one of the European city and from my apartment window.


The sheer sight of so many colors distributed on the clear blue sky and the way it originates from one horizon and ends on the other side of it is a visual treat for a nature lover.


The color just brightens up my day and makes me feel that life is so BEAUTIFUL.
In its diversity, it holds such a plain fact of coexistence. There is a story also attached with this one, one of those days of my stay away from my family I find myself woken up quite early in the morning on a Weekend. I help myself with a cup of coffee and open the windows of my apartment to have the look at the hill view. As I open the window shutters, I could see the light appearance of the rainbow in the sky, and just as it starts making its appearance more clear, I dial up one of my colleague’s number and wake him up and tell him to see the rainbow in the sky. And he so sweetly thanks me for letting him know about it. Only after the sky phenomenon is over, do I realize that I woke him up on a weekend. But there was no point apologizing as the harm of disturbing someone’s sleep is already done.


Endless list:
There are many more things that I connect to… Like Babies, Butterflies, Flowers, Fountains, Waterfalls, Riverbed, Lakeside, Nest of Birds, Hills, Mountains, etc…. all nature’s magnificent, beautiful creations, perhaps that they cannot be described in mere words. It’s the feelings that they render to your heart and the thoughts they put in your mind and cleansing and pure feeling that they give to your soul is something far more greater than anything else around you.


I feel like baby in front of these, and just want to be embraced in its serenity.
So I won’t analyze any more why and how do I connect? I would just give myself completely to that moment and treasure its memories in the locker of my heart….

Once upon a time

Once upon a time, she was in the spring of her life, glowing and beaming with joy.
Once upon a time, she carried with her the fragrance of innocence and beauty.
Once upon a time, she filled the empty spaces of time and heart with her ringing laughter.
Once upon a time, she was an epitome of compassion with her serene eyes.
Once upon a time, she was someone’s “LOVE” and someone’s “LIFE”.


Gone are those days when she found life filled with eternal bliss.
Gone are those days when she found herself dancing to the music of the rain
Gone are those days when she felt the dreams coming true in front of her eyes.
Gone are those days, when she felt the comfort of someone’s hand on hers…


Today, what remains are the pages of memories of those times…
And the stillness of the life like the tears on her eyes…
But still amidst the pain, one thing still lives on…


The hope to spring herself back into life someday…
The hope for finding that light which has evaded her till now, someday…
The hope of being at the sunset point of life, tears of joy filled in her eyes… someday…
The hope of finding "YOU" back… somehow … somewhere… someday..

The Rain and the Journey

Some memories live an imprint on your mind and you want to capture it on paper and hence I am trying to recollect the path once travelled and put relive the experience with the words on paper… the story of my journey through the rain one fine day…



I was on my way back home from office in my company shuttle. The day had been tiring and I was longing for some relaxed evening drive back home. As the shuttle started, it started raining and I was forced to close the window. The window panes had the water droplets trickling down, and cleansing the day’s dust that had settled on the window panes. It was a day in the mid of July and the temperatures were soaring high. I wondered looking at the water droplets that we all need that rain once in a while to cleanse our body, mind and soul of all the weariness we have been carrying with us for so long. Since I had no ways to get drenched until I reached my stop, I decided to watch the rain instead and enjoy its beauty.


As I watched outside the window, I saw that this rain had written different stories in the life of different people and they unfolded beautifully in front of me. Our bus reached the university gate; I found many two wheelers taking shelter under the bridge. I thought perhaps they were all returning home and did not carry any rain gear as it was still not monsoon and the rain was unexpected. The vehicles there honked to make way for them, these people were managing to pull their vehicles into a corner and give then some path. They thoroughly disliked the rain and it was evident in their disturbed faces, it had ruined there evening and ride back home and that’s pretty understandable.


We moved on the university road now, this particular path is my favorite. It is a path filled with lush greenery all around and less vehicles on the road. Somewhere hither thither on the road you can find the departments and university quarters. It was still raining, but by now it was on the lighter side. When suddenly on one of the turns I saw a couple on their bike completely drenched and enjoying in the rain. They overtook our bus and continued on their way ahead. The rain perhaps made their day and evening more beautiful, as they drenched in the rain and love and carved a time in their lives which they will always treasure like the little pleasures in times of love.


We moved on… we were almost into the residential area, there were only bigger bungalows and car parked in front of them, I wondered how these people experience the rain as most of the time you will not find the sight of a single soul except the watchman. As I peeked out of my window I saw a very contrasting picture of life in general, I saw the watchman of this house sat with an umbrella which was torn and water dripped in drops from it. He could be easily a 50 year old man very weak in built and was quite wearisome and now was trying hard not to get drenched. It portrayed a picture that of bondage in front of me


Our bus was waiting for a signal and hence we were stuck there for some time. I looked towards the sky if the rain was going to continue this way and happened to see the terrace and there I saw a young girl in her teens in her school uniform getting drenched and enjoying the beauty of the rain…She was least concerned about the world outside, all she knew was she wanted to soak herself in that rain and that’s exactly what she did. Someone with the exuberance of the youth only can really enjoy the freshness of the first rain. I thought she will also remember this experience where as the watchman of her house would be praying that it does not rain again tomorrow and he does not get drenched and fall sick. Life presents such contrasts in front of us sometimes that leave us puzzled.


With some philosophical leanings of my thoughts now, I continued the journey and it continued to rain… wondering the whole way back how nature manages to connect to people in so many different ways….


It was now drizzling and I decided to get down one stop before my stop and walk the 10 minutes path … I wanted to enjoy the feeling of getting the first rain drops to drench my body and give a freshness to my mind.. And I walked caring a damn about the world, the people around me and vehicles passing beside me… It was a short and peaceful and loving walk of my life….and of course a memorable journey.

Tears of Memories:

She stared outside the car window and found that the sight was getting blurred slowly, she thought for a moment may be it was raining outside. She opened up the window glass to look outside, still finding blurred images moving in front of her; it was only when the droplets fell on her hands did she realize that there were tears in her eyes… It was not the rain outside but the raining emotions in her heart that was giving her the hazy images.


As she started her car, her heart was still heavy with loads of memories that she was leaving behind this place. This was her last day in office and soon she will fly abroad to accompany her husband there…


She was part of this company right after she finished her college; she had made many friends, had wonderful colleagues and also had a huge guidance from her seniors. It was both a learning ground and fun place to be in…
The days started with a good morning mail exchanges with her friends, status call of the project, assignment of task, googling to finish them and waiting for the lunchtime, At lunchtime usual playing of pranks, deciding on Birthday parties, planning next trip points and time flew by… back to work and an occasional informal chat with a colleague or an argument ending up on a treat, made the workplace so vibrant ….Evening sunsets and coffee and musings about life.. Then back home after a fulfilling day at work…. Could you ask for anything more from life?


In short she had the best of her years in this place and today was the last she was going to drive this road… As she went to parking lot, and took her seat, she could not start her car and everything that she experienced till now played in her mind and she knew that she will miss all this very much… She suddenly felt that she will never again be able to relive those moments even if she came back…. Because things are bound to change and she cannot control that… May be , that’s life, Time just flies by and changes come into our lives even before we realize it and we have to just accept it and keep moving ahead. She now managed to convince herself that this was the end of it all… and she has to perhaps look for a new beginning somewhere else and will always cherish the time here… She drove back home.


Her eyes were still glistening with tears that were uncontrollable till she reached home. Her Mom read the expression and understood the feelings and did not question her on anything… They had a quite dinner and then finally when they were about to go to bed, Her Mom asked her to stay back. They were soon watching one of their favorite movies. She slowly sneaked into her Mom’s lap and gave way to all the emotions, and her mom only said… “You are not losing anything here, you will carry with all these as memories and they will always remain as fresh as you see them today, you just have to rewind your mind and everything will be back to you. Life is a process of creating newer memories everyday for us and that’s the reason we live to make a new beginning always because life does not end till we die and even after we die we still live by being in someone’s memories”
That night she slept peacefully…and the night remained with her always…….