Recently for some reasons I end up being a part of the discussion about friendship, relationship and marriage. Till now, I have never really thought about them so deeply to form my views on it.
Basically I did not find the need to do it, but now I can see that everyone has a say on it, so let me at least formulate some thoughts around each of these.
Disclaimer: Not everyone may agree with what is said in it, it is not meant to be taken offensively and everyone has a right to have an opinion, so feel free to argue and point out if my understanding is wrong anywhere.
We will start from the generic terms and move onto more specific terms and their definition.
What is a relationship (between people)?
Dictionary says it as a state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection).
Some of these we are born with, the connection are formed based on our birth.
Some of them are formed as a natural process of our growth like the people we grow up with in School, College, and workplace.
Some very unknowingly gets formed, we may not meet them in a regular basis, but a certain encounter might actually make the necessary connectedness.
So basically in different situations we form relationships in our lives.
In all these situations in my life, I have never carefully chosen to be in a relationship, the bond naturally grew and so many people became a part of my life with absolutely family connections.
I came across them, we shared some camaraderie and slowly perhaps both of us consciously decided to be there for each other and hence the relationship.
At no point of time, was anything forced and at no point of time in such relationship that we naturally get into, any compulsion that existed.
Relationship that I am speaking of, is a very generic term given to any form of emotional connectivity we have with people.
So we will now come to more specific terms, like Friendship, Spousal relationship (Marriage)
Friendship: What is Friendship? Dictionary definition: The state of being friends (or friendly)
Who is a friend? A person you know well and regard with affection and trust.
Now let us dwell into the terms which define a friend.
It says, A person “you know well”.
Well , this whole “you know well” thing is so relative with respect to time na, I mean today I may know that person quite well, but overtime the person evolves and if I The state of being friends (or friendly) don’t invest the time to see or at least understand the evolution how do I really know it?
Ok now coming to the point “regard with affection and trust” that’s again very relative, again because the person evolves, we all do and that’s the natural phenomenon and hence the “regard of affection and trust” also changes as you see the person in front of you changing…
You see its difficult thing to say that we are friends in the truest sense of the word.
In order to keep the friendship remaining as it is now presently, we need to have a common set of ideals and principles and a very similar way of thinking and also spend quality time with each other. The reason I am saying this is because lets say we end up having huge differences in our views in the beginning and something as base as our ideals clash, we can never be able to appreciate and respect the other person’s view. When you can’t respect you obviously cannot have the affection or trust, because all the emotions form at the base of “Respect” Time is indeed needed in order to understand the person’s ideals and more so also see the way the person reacts and evolves as time flows.
Next, obvious is the misconception that people have which says Friends are always "Understanding". Most of them misuse this term to the nth degree and claim that I hoped you would "Understand".... :)
Common Dialogue : "I hope you would understand and hence our friendship will remain forever". The understanding thing has thiws beautiful feature of onesidedness. Always the person who is saying this dialogue expects that he/she is understood and never places him/her on the other side.
Overall Friendship is a beautiful relationship between two matured people who share a similar understanding of their basic ideals ...
Now, lets us see the topic of spousal relationship or marriage.
I guess I will take up this topic in my next post.
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